Ultimately, no one gets married with the intention of getting divorced but unfortunately it’s sometimes a necessary process that you may have to go through. A divorce can be a stressful and upsetting experience that can affect your mental health substantially - so it’s crucial you use healthy coping mechanisms to help deal with it. Read on to discover how to manage your physical and emotional health in the best way possible when experiencing a divorce.
What feelings might I experience throughout the divorce process?
Divorce can take an immeasurable toll on your mental health. It’s likely this will be one of the most difficult experiences you’ll go through in your life, so it’s natural to experience complex and often conflicting emotions. These could include:
● Guilt
● Shame
● Anger
● Embarrassment
● Sadness
● Resentment
● Anxiety
● Panic
● Grief
● Depression
● Relief
● Joy
● Shock
● Disbelief
While they certainly shouldn’t be suppressed, the trick is to not let these feelings overwhelm you. Be gentle with yourself and accept that at this current time, it’s unlikely you’ll complete tasks and obligations to the best of your ability.
What are unhealthy coping mechanisms?
For those going through a divorce, it’s common to seek distractions from what’s going on. However, certain habits or coping strategies can affect you negatively in the long run. Here are just a few things you should try to avoid:
Putting all the blame on yourself
Putting all the blame on yourself for the breakdown of your marriage is a natural response, but it won’t bode well for your mental health. Perspective is important, especially when you’re figuring out how to cope with divorce. If you’re feeling guilt or shame about your marriage ending, remember that it takes two people to be in a relationship, and two people to end one. Forgiving yourself might help you let go of any remorse or guilt you’re harbouring during this difficult time, and can ultimately help you move on with your life.
Engaging in conflict with your spouse or former spouse
While you may be feeling a lot of anger, confusion or betrayal at your spouse or former spouse, conflict likely isn’t going to do either of you any good at this point. Remember to take deep breaths, walk away when you need to, and above all, refuse to let your ex create more drama or trigger strong emotion in your life.
If you find that you’re having a difficult time breaking old, destructive habits, focus on things that teach you how to cope with divorce — journaling, meditating, and other relaxation techniques are great ways to train yourself how to react to difficult situations with a new behaviour pattern.
Relying on drugs and alcohol
While drugs and alcohol can numb the volatile emotions you may be experiencing, they are detrimental to your mental and physical health in the long run. They could also lead to dependency and addiction, so it’s important to be mindful of this as you navigate the divorce process.
Engaging in unsafe sex
Engaging in sexually risky behaviour is a common coping mechanism people turn to when faced with the emotional challenges associated with divorce. Like drugs and alcohol, this can be an effective way to ‘numb’ difficult feelings. However, this is simply another unhealthy distraction from what’s actually going on, and again can cause implications for your mental and physical health.
What are healthy coping mechanisms?
Instead of falling victim to these toxic habits, you should try and focus your attention on dealing with your divorce in a positive way. There are many healthy coping mechanisms you can internalise to help improve your physical and emotional health as you navigate the end of your marriage. These include:
Establishing a reliable support system
It’s normal to feel the urge to socially withdraw when you’re going through a divorce. However, you don’t have to go through this alone. Spending time with people who care about you and vocalising your feelings is integral to helping you navigate this period of your life. Reach out to old friends or a trusted family member and make plans. Or find new friends to connect and spend time with. Alternatively, support groups are an excellent place to connect with other people who understand exactly what you’re going through.
Exercising regularly
While it might be tempting to hide yourself away in your room, getting out and about in fresh air is one of the healthiest ways to regulate your mind and take care of your body. Going for a walk or a run, even for twenty minutes, can be a great way to proactively channel negative emotions into creating a positive headspace. In fact, movement and exercise offers a range of mental health benefits, including:
● Relieving stress
● Lifting mood
● Helping you fall asleep faster and sleep longer
● Helping you manage symptoms of depression and anxiety conditions
Maintaining a balanced diet
When going through a divorce, it can be tempting to acquire harmful dietary habits. Whether you’re overindulging in junk food and sugary drinks or barely eating at all, a poor diet will have a damaging effect on your health. You should try to cut back on eating excessive amounts of unhealthy food. Instead, consider expanding your current diet to include foods packed with mood-boosting nutrients like:
● berries
● bananas
● beans
● whole grains
● fatty fish, like salmon
Another easy way to feel better is to remember to drink water constantly to avoid dehydration and keep your body functioning properly.
Getting enough sleep
You might find yourself struggling to fall asleep when going through a divorce - this is natural, as you will have a lot on your mind. However, research shows that those with fewer hours of sleep and disrupted sleep patterns are more likely to experience mental distress.
Incorporating these healthy habits into your sleep routine will help you feel better rested:
● Try to wake up and go to bed at the same time every day.
● Ensure your bedroom is a calm environment and as clutter-free as possible.
● Avoid using your phone in the hour before you go to sleep.
Allocating time for self care
At a time of heightened stress and uncertainty, it’s important to look after yourself and your mental health. Self care can be whatever you want it to be; lighting a candle, running a bath, phoning a friend, taking a walk - the list is endless. Making time to take care of yourself can be refreshing, both emotionally and physically.
Investing in new interests and hobbies
Throughout divorce proceedings, it’s important to reserve time for your own hobbies and interests. A positive way to reflect on your situation is to consider how you can invest the time and energy you previously spent on your relationship into doing things that make you happy. This could involve watching that documentary you never got round to seeing or attending that sports class you always fancied trying out. This period of uncertainty could be the perfect opportunity to cultivate old passions and seek out some new ones - just make sure you don’t overwhelm yourself and ensure you still have time to take care of your needs.
Seeking divorce counselling
Experiencing a divorce can invoke many intense and sometimes conflicting emotions. Speaking to a counsellor can create a safe space for you to discuss and compartmentalise your feelings. Sharing your worries with a stranger in a confidential environment can decrease your fear of judgement, which you might experience when sharing your issues with people you know. Therapists can help you find new outlooks on life and recognize and break unhealthy thought patterns. You might walk away with peace of mind and an increased understanding of yourself.
Ensuring your legal needs are met
While it’s important to take time out to process your emotions, you should not neglect any legal matters you may be experiencing. In many cases, it’s crucial to find an experienced divorce lawyer to help the process go as smoothly as possibly and negotiate the best settlement for you.
To help your separation agreement go smoothly and deal with the settlement quickly, work with a divorce lawyer from DJP Solicitors. Acting as your legal representative, we can help with anything from a divorce settlement to child residence or contact disputes. We aim to help minimise the stress that goes along with the end of marriages and make it as easy as possible to move on to the next stage of your life. We can help negotiate financial settlements and child custody, with our priority to make you as happy as possible with the outcome. So if you’re looking for “divorce lawyers near me”, get in touch today for a divorce lawyer from DJP Solicitors.
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