Supporting Your Children During A Divorce: A Complete Guide

Divorce can be an emotionally challenging time for families, especially when children are involved. It can be challenging for parents who are separating to properly support their children during this time. If you’re currently going through a divorce and struggling to find the right way to be there for your children, our blog is a complete guide to providing the support your children need. To find out more, keep on reading.



Telling Your Children About The Divorce

One of the hardest parts about navigating your divorce and supporting your children will most likely be when you break the news. Like most emotionally challenging conversations, it’s better to bite the bullet and tell your children sooner rather than later. You don’t want to keep them in the dark or have to lie about separating from your partner. Keeping open and honest communication from the get go is extremely important for maintaining healthy relationships with your children during this time.

How Much Should I Tell My Children?

This can be a tricky one, because ultimately, the amount you want to tell your children is up to you and your ex-partner. Some important things to keep in mind are:

●    Be Age Aware - Depending on the age of your children and how much you feel comfortable sharing, you will be able to judge what information is appropriate. Younger children may not need so many details, whereas older children may want more of an explanation as to why you are getting a divorce.

●    Share Logistical Information - Be upfront about things that are going to change for your children, including living arrangements and activities.

●    Keep It Honest - Above anything, it’s important to be honest with your children during this time.

When you tell your children that you are separating from your partner, be prepared for them to be overwhelmed and upset. If this news is coming as a shock to your family or not, it can still be upsetting to hear and it can trigger a range of emotions. Letting your children know that they are still loved and supported is crucial during this time.

Signs Your Children May Be Struggling With The Separation

Telling your children about the divorce is one thing, but paying attention to the way they are dealing with the divorce is another. It’s important to keep an eye on your children’s behaviour following the news. Some signs to look out for that your kids aren’t handling your divorce very well are:

●    Sleeping problems

●    Poor concentration

●    Becoming withdrawn

●    Staying out/not wanting to come home

●    Drug use or drinking

●    Emotional outbursts (anger/sadness/anxiety)

●    Depressed behaviour

Anger, frustration and sadness are all pretty normal responses to a divorce. There’s no telling how your children will react to the news, so providing them with all the necessary support is the best you can do during this time. However, if you notice signs that your children are really struggling or not seeming like themselves after learning about your divorce, there are a range of ways you can support them. 

Providing Effective Emotional Support

It’s all well and good to simply tell your children a divorce is happening, but they may still have questions, concerns and worries about what the future is going to look like. Providing your children with a strong support system is one of the best ways to help them feel more comfortable and start getting used to the divorce. Read below to hear some of our emotional support methods that can help your children.

Love & Reassurance

Although this may not feel like the most loving period of your life, continuing to show your children love and affection is extremely important. Many children tend to blame themselves for the divorce, or believe that they were the cause of the separation. Maintaining a loving relationship with your kids and giving them verbal reassurance that they are not at fault is one of the best things you can do.

This loving approach shows your children that their relationship with their parents is going to stay the same, making them feel more comfortable throughout this transition.

Listen

As a parent, it can be hard to listen to how your children truly feel about certain things, but one of the most rewarding things you can do is listen to your child. Having a parent that truly listens can make a huge difference to your children during a divorce, as it makes them feel heard and they know that they can trust you, or rely on you.

It may not be the easiest thing to do at times, but it’s a key way of showing your child that you are there for them. Whether they want to talk about their feelings, their day, happy moments or sad moments, lending an ear can go a long way.

Honesty & Openness

Keeping an honest and open line of communication between you and your children is vital for making them feel cared for and supported. Your children will most likely have questions about the divorce, living arrangements…etc. And telling them the truth is a good way to maintain a healthy relationship. It’s still up to you when it comes to how much information you want to share about the divorce, but as the process moves further along and your children start to come to terms with the separation, you might feel more comfortable talking to them about it openly.

Take Care Of Yourself

As emotionally challenging as this is for your children, it’s important to not forget about yourself. Divorce is hard on anybody, and taking care of yourself is vital during such a big life change. Ensuring that you are healthy allows you to take good care of your children. Making sure you are eating, socialising and living your life as you typically would is important. It can be reassuring for your children to see you taking care of yourself and operating as normally as possible, it can show them that their life isn’t being turned upside down and things are going to be okay.

Routine

Maintaining a routine is great for you and your children. Not only will it help you to take care of yourself, it will help your children feel a sense of stability. Naturally, a divorce can shake things up, especially for your kids, so keeping the same dinner time, bath time and bedtime is important. Even though it’s a very simple technique, keeping routine can help your children feel calmer as their day to day lives are more structured. Children tend to feel safer and more comfortable when they’re in a routine, and if they’re switching between different houses, having a set routine can help them feel more settled.

Don’t Bad Mouth Your Ex

No matter how your relationship ended, it’s wise to not bad mouth your ex in front of your children. It can be distressing and upsetting for kids to hear their parents talk badly about the other, as it may be confusing and stir up a lot of emotions. When your children become older, they will start to formulate their own opinions and have their own relationship with each parent. Keeping things civil between you and your partner is a good way to show your children that you don’t hate each other and that things are going to be okay.

Professional Help

If you find that your children are still struggling to come to terms with your separation, and they aren’t coping with their emotions, seeking professional help can be extremely useful. Professional services like therapy or counselling can be a good opportunity for your children to express themselves to a neutral person who can give them advice on coping mechanisms going forwards.

DJP Solicitors

If you’re currently going through a divorce or want to file for divorce from your partner, you may be seeking expert legal representatives. Here at DJP solicitors, we specialise in a range of legal cases including separation and divorce. Our team is committed to supporting you and guiding you through the process so that you don’t undertake any extra stress during your separation.

To find out more about what we do or how we can help you, you can read more about our services on our website. If you want to speak to one of our team members directly, please contact us today for a consultation at info@djpsolicitors.com.